Homeless Tales

On Current Dearth of Juicy Tidbits

January 29, 2010 By b 3 Comments

I'm headed to Scotland next week!!!

I feel sort of guilty for not really giving you guys any juicy insights into my personal life lately, but that’s because things are pretty static and there’s really not much to tell at the moment. I’m still visiting with Vicki Day in London and scooping entrepreneurial business tips from her brilliant mind, which is fun, but nothing particularly dramatic like my trailer being towed from Wal-Mart or other such harrowing tales to regale you with. Not just yet, anyhow.

Ooh, except that I’m apparently *~*~*finally*~*~* getting the first half of the book advance on Monday, which will catapult me into relative financial solvency, at least for now. So, yay! *does the book advance dance* Following which, I can give Vicki’s über-patient daughter Alice back her room and head northwards to bounce around the lovely country of Scotland some more.

Still haven’t decided when I’m heading back to California yet, but in the meantime, I’m “subletting” my trailer to another homeless gentleman, a friend of another woman staying on the same lot as me. This way, I don’t have to worry about also paying rent while I’m out here, and I get the added bonus of feeling like I’ve helped somebody out (woot!) Thanks so much to Sage for facilitating all of this, by the way.

So, I guess at least I’m making the most of my first time travelling out of the country! I’m earning the very first stamp in my very first passport, dammit.

In the meantime, I have the weekend at my disposal, so today I’m off to run around London and take care of some important business in preparation for travelling next week.

Also, yes, I’m aware that HomelessTales.com has been down for several weeks. I was initially under the impression that it was a matter of someone forgetting to pay the hosting fee or something equally simple to fix, but according to the gentleman who hosts it for Matt, the server was apparently hacked by a disgruntled former employee, the password changed, and the account closed. It’s not irreversible, the files are still there, but it’s been one headache after another trying to rescue it and re-establish everything. Sources tell me it’ll be back up Friday or Saturday… I’m really hoping that’s correct, though, because prior to this, I was under the impression that it would be up last week or even earlier. So, fingers crossed If you’re on the Street Voices crew, apologies for the delay! I know you’re going through withdrawals and itching to post again.

Talk soon!

Filed Under: Alice Smith, finances and money, friends, Homeless Tales, London, Scotland, Street Voices, Vicki Day

New Chapters

November 14, 2009 By b 22 Comments

I posted this update over at Homeless Tales, Matt’s site, and wanted to repost here to fill everybody in on what’s been going on with the two of us (to make up for my somewhat vague update a couple of posts ago).

* * * * *

I will start out with Matt’s joyous news – Wednesday, October 28th, at 9:25 AM Scotland time (2:25 AM PST), Matt’s daughter was born via Cesarean section. Her name is Kelsey, after his grandmother, she weighed just about 6 lbs. even, has bright blue eyes, and undetermined (but darkish-seeming) hair. She’s absolutely gorgeous. I don’t think Matt wants to post photos/video of her online, understandably, but if you’re interested in seeing her, perhaps he can e-mail you privately. That’s his call, though, and she pretty much looks like… a baby.

(Since you’ve likely guessed by now that I wasn’t the one giving birth, I should probably head off any negative knee-jerk reactions at the pass, so: No, there was no infidelity involved; yes, there was protection being used; and no, there is no ill will on the part of any parties involved).

Matt and I found out about Kelsey’s impending arrival a couple of months into our relationship. For a girl who decided at about age 9 that she never wanted to have kids (I mean, look at the role model I had to go on!), it was something of a shock for me and a lot to take in, and Matt graciously gave me the option of backing out. But I love him so much, and I know I’ll love his daughter, so I stuck around, obviously. Now I’m nervously prepping for the responsibilities that come with being a stepmom, and eventually a full-time mother, since we will likely have children ourselves one day.

Life-altering event #2 came the day after Kelsey’s birth, when I received an offer for a book deal (thanks to my brilliant agent, Chris Schelling, who also represents the famed Augusten Burroughs)! Chris is clearly the most awesome evil genius ever; the preparing of the contract and such details takes a few weeks, but upon signing, I receive a decent advance. It won’t buy us a house or anything, but it will rent us an apartment and should also clear up my debts, opening the way for us to get a home loan, we hope! There’s also talk about potentially turning the story into movie-ness, which is kind of mind-blowing to me, so I’m just kind of trying to study up on the various options one day at a time and make sure Matt is involved in all decisions, since it’s his story, too!

So where do we go from here? Well, for now, I’m still in the trailer, waiting on contracts and such to be ironed out. But upon receipt of the advance, we are likely going to look into relocating to upstate NY – towards the small, tree-covered town where we’d like to settle permanently, when we have the means – and yet within a couple hours’ drive of the city, for when book promotions and such things start, which I get the feeling might be largely NYC-centric.

Matt and I would also like to get married, although we still need to bat around immigration red tape, and now with Kelsey thrown into the mix, options are further narrowed down, so that’s just one big wait-and-see game. I imagine once Matt flies back to CA, there will be lots of running around and spazzing out like decapitated chickens, trying to get things planned and settled. I’ve entered that phase already, truth be told, but not much I can do about it for several more weeks, so I’m probably just stressing myself unduly.

In case you can’t tell, I never in a million years imagined something like this would happen to us, and I’m sort of floored and flabbergasted and quasi-in-denial. I don’t feel like an author or the subject of a movie, or anything grand like that, which kind of makes me feel a little like a fraud. I’m still very much “just plain me”. I keep wondering whether they’ve just got the wrong person and haven’t realized it yet. Or I keep coming up with “what-if” scenarios and future disasters like “what if it all falls through and they change their mind before the contract is eked out?!?!?!” Which is unlikely, I know, but still, what can I say? I’m panicky and uncertain right now. A large portion of my life I’ve been told that I’m untalented, uninteresting, a disappointment to my family and to God, and ugly to boot; it’s still so hard for me to imagine or accept people being interested in me, much less enough to ask me to write an entire book about myself.

* * * * *

I can’t say it enough; I am so grateful to my readers, friends, and the Street Voices and Twitter communities for having my back for so long. Things are finally really looking up and there’s no way that I would have gotten to this point without the online support network that I’ve been lucky enough to find, as well as the utter kindness and generosity of E. Jean Carroll, ELLE magazine, and the most fantabulous Chris Schelling. Thank you all, guys.

Filed Under: books, E. Jean, ELLE, finances and money, friends, Homeless Tales, house buying, Kelsey, love, Matt, media, news, online resources, readers, Street Voices, support, Twitter

Life-Altering Stuff

October 29, 2009 By b 15 Comments

Hi all! Quickie update :)

Life-altering things have happened this week. I need to check and find out what and how much I’m allowed to say, but looks as though I’m on the brink of exiting homelessness for good, so keep your fingers crossed for me!

Other than that, keeping on keeping on. Matt’s still in Scotland, and is likely to be for about another month or so. He’s working super hard keeping up HomelessTales.com, as always, and we’re still batting around red tape and fun things that have to be settled before we can marry or anything. Still in love and so happy about it though, and that’s going a great ways toward keeping my spirits up.

I may have stable housing soon but will still, of course, continue advocating for homelessness, on this blog and elsewhere! In fact, I’m glad to have recently done at least a little bit for a couple of girls on the east coast who were thrown out by their parents due to their sexual orientation, and are now living in a car in freezing weather conditions. An appeal on Twitter brought a lot of fantastic suggestions for shelters, programs, donations, and just ways to keep warm in their current situation. The girls wish for their names and location to remain anonymous, understandably, but I wanted to give them a shout-out on the blog and let them know that there are so many people rooting for them. I also want to thank everybody on Twitter who reached out to help them, many mere moments after I posted the plea.

So, yep yep. Thanks to my loyal readers for sticking around! Also, I’m in the Guardian today, apparently. I did this interview quite a while ago, and had assumed that it wasn’t going to go to print, since I didn’t hear back for so long. So, an extra little bonus surprise today!

Filed Under: Homeless Tales, interviews, love, Matt, media, news, shelter, sleep, Street Voices, support, Twitter

Matt Home, Raising Money, New Homeless Tales Authors!

July 13, 2009 By b 6 Comments

Matt’s home!!!!! I’m so excited At LAX, there were a ton of paparazzi hanging around the international arrival gate – David Beckham was supposedly arriving. Also, Eric Dane (from “Gray’s Anatomy”) and Rebecca Gayheart (from “Dead Like Me”) got off while I was waiting. I didn’t recognize them, because they were wearing sunglasses and scarves and things, but jillions of flashbulbs went off and people were following them around. Then Matt came out and I hurled myself into his arms and it was all very cute-ness, once he figured out that the blurry ball of redhead bouncing at him was me and that I would indeed stop just before knocking him over at full speed. I am soooooo happy he’s back.

We’re staying in a trailer on the property where Fezzik is being boarded, so that’s exciting. It’s a farther drive to work for me, but it’s slightly more practical for two people and we get to spend time with Fez. We have a camera now (not just my crummy, fuzzy, pixelated phone camera) so I will try to post pics and video of Matt, Fez, and the area we’re staying. Work changed their mind about using Fez in a commercial (this is the third time they have asked me to participate in a commercial and then backed out, so I don’t think I’ll say “yes” next time). This means I just get to relax and spend time with him now instead of trying to get him to do things for the camera, which is something of a relief.

Spending the next three months fundraising; ideally, we’d like to purchase our house right before Matt has to head back to Scotland (he has to return every 90 days due to visa waiver reasons, and stay for a week or two before returning). That way I could move in, get things settled and all, and then he could come back the next time to a real, legitimate home for us. So, my retail site should be going up soon. Besides my very cool vintage clothing collection, we may also be looking into selling vintage books, as well as the trailer and my car. So, if you need/want any of these things, they will soon be available. We are currently building my new website and I’ll post linking to it hopefully sometime this week once I’ve got it a bit more established and polished

Also, I’m very excited about all the discussion going on over at Matt’s site, Homeless Tales. There are several new authors and comments have really picked up lately. People are having some really thought-provoking ideas and, even when they don’t agree, some really respectful and healthy debate, which is awesome. It’s so great to see so many homeless and formerly homeless individuals from such varied backgrounds and perspectives coming up with plans and approaches with which to combat the problem. Please go check out the new articles there – I was blown away by the depth and preparation that obviously went into each of them.

Filed Under: Fezzik, finances and money, Homeless Tales, house buying, Matt, pets, Street Voices, trailer, vehicles

Everything and Stuff-ness

June 15, 2009 By b 6 Comments

OK, so it’s update day.

First of all – woot, Matt made front page of Digg a few days ago! So if you found me indirectly through his article, welcome! We are both so appreciative for the outpouring of support and congratulations we’ve received from so many! We have received a couple of offers of donations – honestly, for now we’re doing OK; there have been minor financial/food struggles occasionally, but on the whole we’re managing. If you absolutely feel like you wish to make some sort of donation or contribution, please do so at HomelessTales.com – there is a “Donate” button in the right column of the front page that enables Matt to keep the site up and running, or you can PayPal him directly at mdbarnes@hotmail.co.uk.

It looks like we have another reprieve for Fezzik, thanks to Karma Rescue in Los Angeles. I originally adopted Fez from Karma, and when things got too tight to afford his board with Sage (my hours and pay at work were recently cut), I tearfully contacted them to find out about re-adopting him out. Well, it turns out that Karma would love to see us kept together, so they have super-duper-generously offered to pay his board for three months. I can’t tell you how amazingly awesome that is – Matt and I are struggling to move him out here and buy a home together, and we had envisioned our life as a family with Fezzik as our dog, sleeping in our room, loving and protecting our children, etc. It was so difficult to send that e-mail to Karma Rescue, and neither of us expected such an accommodating and generous response. Our effusive thanks to Rande and Cassian of Karma, and to Barbara DeSantis, Fezzik’s former foster mom (as an aside, her husband is director Larry Charles, who directed Religulous, which is a really interesting and thought-provoking documentary about religion – how awesome is that?!) If you are looking for a dog, or dogs are close to your heart, please support and/or adopt through them. You can find their list of adoptable pets here. I have nothing but good things to say about them; they care so much about each and every animal that they place, and were on hand every time I had a question or needed help regarding Fezzik or his training. I recommend them so, so highly.

Matt’s next visit to Cali is in early July, and he will be staying through October. We seem to have found a low-cost rent option for that time period (we have stayed in the trailer for a few days since we ran out of motel funds, and let me tell you, that thing was not meant for two people!) so that’s helpful. As a plus, we will also have access to utilities/facilities which will mean no more driving 8 miles to shower at the gym, or walking to the Arco gas station at 3 a.m. to use the restroom! Yay! Matt flies back home one week from today (*sniffle*) so for the couple of weeks that he is in Scotland I will stay in the trailer and accummulate/hoard funds for fun things – such as a house and a low-budget, very DIY wedding

California’s 90-day foreclosure moratorium started today, blegh. Unless I am misunderstanding something, this means that the possibility of purchasing the house I was pining over is now pretty much kaput, or at least on hiatus for the next 3 months or more (it was a short sale), so I may need to just look at other options… Matt and I are scoping out a few other places and are working on raising the necessary funds, which is around $10K-$15K. Still waiting on my back EDD claim forms – FINALLY got through to EDD via phone (not just e-mail) last week and was assured that THIS time, they are REALLY sending out all my claim forms (I remain skeptical, yet hopeful). With that money, we would have a good head start towards the money we need to buy our own home.

We are also working towards setting up an online business for me, to sell my vintage clothing on. I just have way, waaaaay too much of it, and while I’ve done a decent job selling off some pieces on eBay, I’m well aware that I have a good eye for it, and a drive to do a lot more with it than I have, and make quite a decent profit. Combined with Matt’s knowledge of the interwebz, I think we can go a long ways more towards helping ourselves out financially. Still hoping not to have to sell Ingrid, but I would like to sell the trailer once Matt and I are more settled elsewhere. It was to eventually go to my sister in AZ, but alas, no longer, so it’s mine to do as I please with (woot!) I would also like to eventually sell my car and just use the (paid-off) truck I inherited (which is currently towing the trailer), but evil Wachovia is making that sooooo difficult. I’ve contemplated joining one of the several pending class-action lawsuits against them; I wonder if it’s worth the hassle. From what I’ve read, thousands of other consumers have been ripped off by them, car-loan-wise. What a bunch of crooks. The dealer I bought the car through chose them to finance me; I wish I’d known better at the time than to go ahead with the purchase, but it was my first car loan, so oh well. Life happens, and you take lessons from it, I guess.

So yep yep, if you asked a question in the previous comments, I hope this post answers it, and thanks again sooooooo much to everyone with kind words and support. I’m so happy and it just goes to show that great things can come out of even the most shite situations. I will continue to dig my way out of homelessness, and I fully realize how lucky I am to have so many awesome people cheering me on.

Love,

~Bri

Filed Under: Fezzik, Homeless Tales, love, Matt, media, news, Street Voices, vehicles

Homeless Tales Article: Twitter's Transatlantic Homeless Love Match

June 10, 2009 By b 6 Comments

http://homelesstales.com/2009/06/twitters-transatlantic-homeless-love-match/

Awwwwww. How loved do I feel right now? What a sweet man I have! OK. Mush-fest over, for a bit. No, really! I swear!!!!!

Filed Under: Homeless Tales, love, Matt, Street Voices, Twitter

And Now, for a Bit of a Surprise…

June 8, 2009 By b 13 Comments

Yes, I have been incredibly delinquent in updating. I’m sorry!!!!! I hope nobody worried too much!

The thing is, life has been somewhat action-packed for the past few weeks… I’m madly, head-over-heels, crazy-in-love; every cliché in the book I suppose, but it’s all true so I suppose it’s cliché for a reason. My boyfriend/future hubby, it turns out, is none other than Matt Barnes (aka w0lfh0und) of www.homelesstales.com, whom I have referenced in past blogs. What I was keeping under the radar (for the time being), was our burgeoning romance, which came somewhat out of left field and gobsmacked us both.

I suppose the whole thing really started when my friend “Dwight” suggested that I promote tGGtH on Twitter. I had vaguely heard of this Twitter thing, and I’m not gonna lie… I thought it sounded kinda inane. I didn’t really “get” it at the time. But he assured me that it’s a great place to promote new blogs, etc. so I figured… what the hell.

The aspect of this whole scenario that I continually find the most romantic is that Matt was the first to “find” me, and in a way, he saved me… or at least helped me to save myself. Matt monitors keywords on Twitter, among them those pertaining to homelessness. Within an hour of my first Twitter post, he had skimmed my blog and added me – my first follower. He liked my writing, and invited me to post on Street Voices. Happy for the additional cathartic outlet to while away the time while I searched for job and home, I accepted. The two of us also struck up a seemingly platonic e-mail correspondence, and I found myself checking my inbox several times a day hoping for a new message. Eventually, this led to IM-ing, and at some point I suppose we both just figured it out. It was one of those revelatory “a-ha!” moments that you hear about but never quite imagine happening to you.

From the start, I found Matt to be highly intelligent, noble, devoted to his cause, adorable, funny, sweet, caring, nurturing… everything I had ever dared to dream of in a man and in a partner. However, despite the instant crush I developed on him (which I desperately attempted to hide), it never occurred to me that there might be anything that could come of it. For starters, I had promised myself not to get involved with any men for a while after my last godawful breakup, and especially not while homeless – what business did I have starting a relationship while I couldn’t even boast a job and a home? Secondly, Matt lives in the U.K. – England-born, living in Scotland following his own bout with homelessness. Little did I know that Matt had an insta-crush of his own. For a couple of weeks we weaved awkwardly around it, each of us occasionally dropping the slightest of flirtations, then quickly backing off, feeling like any idea of reciprocation could only exist in our minds. To an extent, we were both terrified of making fools of ourselves, and that our feelings were misguided and unrequited.

However, once we started hitting the 10-hour conversation mark (daily), the reality of the situation became difficult to ignore. Things finally clicked and we realized and admitted how mutual it all was, and the depth of what we had discovered in each other. And now, after a couple months of that…

here we are.

Matt is in California with me at the moment. He came out just over 2 weeks ago, May 20th. The hour waiting at the LAX international arrivals terminal (his flight was delayed) was the most agonizing hour of my life. Panic set in – would things be completely different in real life? Could e-mail/IM /phone conversations possibly measure up to the real thing? Would it all crumble the moment we saw each other? True, we had photos (and in his case, video footage) to go off of, but would it change in person? Without going into too much detail (some things are better left private and sacred and beautiful) I am happy to say that the moment I saw him, I knew that the love I had felt for him online was in no way diminished, but could only increase a thousandfold.

For now, we have pooled our resources and are staying in a tiny motor lodge; however, we may need to go back to the trailer for a week-ish until I am paid again. Things are a bit tight for me financially (my hours and pay were cut at work), and we are having trouble accessing some of Matt’s paychecks, which are generally mailed to his home. He flies back to Scotland on June 22 for a couple of weeks, and will be returning to CA following that for a longer stay… hopefully 3 months, the maximum allowed on his visa waiver program.

There are plans in motion for Matt to stay in the U.S. with me permanently… relatively soon. These are, of course, fluid at the moment. Kinks need to be finagled and ironed out. For instance, somewhere to live would be fantastic, haha. We also need to deal with various legal issues and such. International immigration, marriage, those kinds of things… are obviously not quick processes, especially in the United States (may I just say, red tape sucks).

But, the important things: I am safe. I am supremely happy, happier than I ever thought I could be. I am happier homeless and living out of a trailer and a motel than I ever was housed, or trying to gain acceptance and approval from my whacked-up dysfunctional hell of a family. I love Matt more than I knew it was possible for me to love anyone. I can’t wait to build a future with this man, and prove my love to him daily, for the rest of our lives. For the first time, someone has looked at me, seen me at my very best and my absolute lowest, and loved me anyway, and reminded me so over and over and over until it makes me want to cry; I am so happy and fulfilled.

I love unconditionally, and I am unconditionally loved.

It’s so fantastic and mind-blowingly awesome that I almost don’t know what to do with it. Just writing about it is making me a little misty-eyed and my heart feels kind of weighted, like it’s going to throb open. But it’s so, so super beautiful.

Filed Under: Homeless Tales, love, Matt, Street Voices, Twitter

Actors and Rambling in General

April 26, 2009 By b 12 Comments

So, I’ve got about 3 separate blogs I need to write and post within the next day or so Here’s the first.

I came across an ad last week looking for writers/fashionistas to do an advice columnist competition. I believe they were specifically looking for “the Next Carrie Bradshaw”. OK, I have to admit, I’ve never seen a single episode of “Sex and the City”. Yes, I’m a traitor to my gender.

*pauses and waits for female readers to start slinging Manolos at me*

In any case, I figured I’d send in a quick letter anyway with my story, and see what happened. I mean, I’m less of a writer than a blogger, but I do love writing, and I love fashion, especially vintage and retro clothing. I bet I could out-cute SJP and her super-overpaid stylist any day, haha. In any case, it was a shot in the dark and I was quite certain I’d never hear back from them.

…a certain chika was called in for a screen test this week. Guess who? (hint: me!!!!!)

Of course, I found out over the phone just who these people were. What I thought might be a dinky little unknown show, that might present me with some small oppportunity… turned out to be by Fremantle Media. The American Idol/America’s Got Talent/Etc. guys. the guys with all the clout. With millions of viewers. And the prize? An internship at Elle magazine, being mentored by a very funny, slightly crazy, super-awesome columnist whom I’ve read for years.

Holy shite.

I went into the Fremantle Media offices and there were a lot of random actors sitting in the lobby, waiting to try out for a different project (a TV sitcom or something). I was wearing the most adorable, brightest vintage ’50s dress I could dig up and I got a lot of funny looks. A tall, rail-skinny chick stood in the corner, gesticulating and mouthing lines. I was the only one there for the advice columnist show, so I started filling out my application and waiting for the casting director to show up.

This scary actor lady came into the lobby and sat next to me. She was a bit older, in her forties or fifties. She was like Carol Brady on crack. It looked like her plastic surgeon had had a field day with her – her eyes were open too wide and her smile was frozen in place. She talked WAY too loud. In the quiet lobby, her voice reverberated and echoed and people started staring at her.

“OH AREN’T YOU ADORABLE!!!!! WHAT A PRETTY DRESS!!!!! EVERYONE LIKES TO GO OVER THEIR LINES WHILE THEY’RE WAITING, BUT I’VE FOUND THAT IT’S BETTER TO JUST STAY MYSELF AND INTERACT WITH THE OTHER ACTORS!”

I mumbled that I wasn’t an actor, hoping she’d go away, or at least take the hint and talk at the room level, which was at about a whisper. After interrogating me about what I was there trying out for, and making sure the entire room knew that I was a) a “reality girl” and b) not an actor, never acted in anything besides a high school play… she grabbed my half-completed application and started reading the questions aloud.

“LET’S SEE… ‘WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?’”

She looked at me expectantly, and I realized she actually wanted my answer. I drily informed her that I was crying on the inside, right now. In a way, it was more true than she could have realized, but she laughed and took it as a joke.

“OK, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE: ‘WHAT ARE 3 THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF THAT YOU NEVER REVEAL TO SOMEONE YOU’VE JUST MET?!’”

Ehrm… right, like I’m going to tell you, lady? You’re already announcing my life story to the entire room.

“‘NAME A TIME WHEN YOU GAVE BAD ADVICE?!’”

At this point, I was thoroughly psyched out and ready to either break down into tears or else kill this woman with a smile on my face. Luckily, I was saved by Peter, the casting director, who came out and called me back.

“OH MY GOD, I LOVE HER!!! SHE IS JUST SO CUTE!!!!! SHE JUST TOLD ME SHE’S CRYING ON THE INSIDE RIGHT NOW!” she informed him as I walked through the door.

I could have died.

Of course, I totally bombed it. I mean, how could I not, I was in such a state of panic and psyched-out-ed-ness, and overwhelmed, and tremendously nervous just realizing the magnitude of even getting called in to test with such a company. Peter was very nice, sat me down in a chair, turned on a camera and a spotlight (!) – which was a tad intimidating and “tell me where you were on the eve of March 6″. He asked me a few questions, which I was totally struggling to answer and my mind kept blanking because I was completely freaked out. He was very sweet about trying to gently guide me into showing a tad more personality, but I think I just sort of shut down. Later on I thought about all the better answers I could have given, or ways I could have let my personality out more, but in the moment I was just completely stone-petrified. Poor dude. He was probably regretting wasting his time calling the homeless chick in, haha.

In any case, after it was over he told me if I heard anything from them in 2 weeks to 2 months, that would be good news, it all depends on the executives, etc. etc. He told me that I did well (I think he has to say that, haha) and that he tends to look for interesting people over “models”, but that I am beautiful, and other very nice stuff. Yay for nice casting directors. Even if I bombed, I can still feel good about it now. Thank God I wasn’t in a room with a nasty Simon Cowell wannabe or anything. I think I would have completely crumbled.

I went into the lobby and pushed the “down” button to call the elevator. Insane Carol Brady Doppelganger cornered me. “DID YOU JUST GET DONE?! I JUST GOT DONE! I’LL TAKE THE ELEVATOR DOWN WITH YOU… YOU DIDN’T WEAR YOUR GLASSES FOR THE SCREEN TEST, DID YOU? YOU TOOK THEM OFF, RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!”

*sadness*

(…I like my glasses. They’re a part of me.)

* * * * *

In a clumsily-executed and only quasi-related transition: Here’s the thing about a lot of actors, I think. I’ve dated two of them, and it’s like they don’t know when to stop acting. They’re so self-absorbed and wrapped up in their own head before they can care about anybody else, if they even can at all beyond that peripheral, crucial stage-like interaction. If they’re interacting with you at all, it’s as if they’re visualizing the encounter on a stage, like trading dialogue. They say what they feel would be the right thing to say, or would cause the most interesting conflict, rather than what’s real, because even they don’t know what part of them is real and what part is acting. The vast majority of actors I’ve known are addicted to drama. My last ex would deny this vehemently. He always told me he was different, he prided himself on being able to separate his “craft” and his personal life. And I have to say this about him, up front, he is a brilliant actor. Fascinating to watch, and a Juilliard finalist. For all I know, he’s packing his bags right now because he made it in to his dream school.

But again, the thing about actors – it’s so much harder to tell what’s real. My ex did a fantastic job for two whole months of making me feel happy and secure, like we were having absolutely no problems… meanwhile, he was messing around on me with some floozy slut bitch man-stealing whore of a tart in one of his shows (lest you think I’m being too hard on her and too easy on him, don’t. I’m pretty sure I threw his Christmas present at his head when I found out. True, it was a pair of tickets in a letter-sized envelope, but still. Believe me, I know what a lousy, dickwad thing that was for him to do to me). I can already tell you, if he found this blog and read it, the first thought to go through his head would not be concern at my circumstances. If anything, it would irk him slightly that more media outlets – TV shows, radio networks, etc. – have expressed an interest in me in two months than ever have in him, so far. He always seemed to like that romantic, “starving artist” conceptualization of himself. Doing what he loved, screw practical concerns like food and housing and money. Of course, it’s really easy to think that way when you still live with your mother (who was actually a truly kind and supportive woman), don’t pay a dime in rent, have a home-cooked meal ready for you every night, and have never been homeless in your life.

Maybe that sounds a little bitter. And you know what, I’m going to fly in the face of 90% of the world and conventional wisdom and say it’s OK to be a little bitter sometimes. If you loved and devoted yourself to someone, threw all of your effort and energy into making them happy, thought you were happy, they told you they could never leave you, would be an idiot to leave you… and then you found out it was all a sham, they had been cheating on you and completely negating everything they had ever said, every promise you had ever made to each other? You know what? It’s natural and OK to be bitter with that person. It’s natural and a protection to dislike and mistrust them. Now, you shouldn’t let that bitterness monopolize your life, and you definitely shouldn’t take that mistrust and apply it to all future romantic interests, because that’s unfair. I trust each and every man that I date until he gives me a reason not to. That’s only right and fair, that I shouldn’t impose past disappointments on new relationships. But yes, I am a tad bitter about being cheated on by someone who claimed they didn’t have it in them. I am wary around actors because my experience dating two of them was so similar.

So, Steven Lords, if you ever stumble across this blog and recognize me… you’re a dirty welcher. Oh, and if you google phoenixforged47 (your e-mail address) you show up as a member on Actual Incest porn forums. I’m just saying. You might want to look into some therapy for that. That’s a pretty unhealthy fixation and it makes me look back at things in a whole new light. I mean, that’s really, really sick, actually. Yuck.

I really should thank Steve, though. I mean, when it comes down to it, he cleared out of my life and opened up the way for the best possible thing that ever could have happened to me, the love of my life, a real honest-to-god good and upstanding man, the man whom I adore and treasure. And no, I can’t talk about it any more than that. Not just yet. I wish I could, believe me, I’ve been bursting at the seams to for ages, but very soon, I promise. Sorry to leave you guys dangling.

Filed Under: attitude, confidence, entertainment, Homeless Tales, interviews, job searching and work, love, Matt, media, mental health, mind, news, talents, theatre

Actual Sequence of Events

March 22, 2009 By b 9 Comments

~I sit at Starbucks all morning waiting for someone to get my frantic e-mails.
~Dwight gets on gtalk around 1:00 p.m. and I fill him in.
~Dwight calls the gas station again for me to see if my phone has been turned in. No dice.
~Dwight comes to Starbucks to take me to Sprint to replace my phone.
~On a whim, we use his cell call my phone to see if the dirty bastard who stole it will answer.
~Aishwarya picks up on the other end of the line.
~General confusion ensues.

What happened was this: some nice guy (Richard) found my phone at the gas station restroom and was apparently answering all the incoming calls to see if I would call. Aishwarya didn’t hear from me in the morning like she was supposed to, started worrying, and called. Nice stranger Richard answered and explained what happened. He then proceeded to meet her at a local movie theatre and give her the phone.

Aishwarya still had no way to find me – she hadn’t checked her e-mail yet – so she went on to a barbeque with some friends, at which point Dwight and I called, and were very confused to hear her voice on the line.

So – yay!!! All worked out well.

Dwight took me to the Wal-Mart parking lot, at which point P. came out of his RV and mentioned that he had also called my cell, and the same Richard guy had picked up. He had left a note on my dashboard with the guy’s phone number.

I drove back to Starbucks, and Aishwarya met me there in a few hours after her barbeque was done, and gave me my phone and Richard’s phone number. So now I need to call and thank him so, so very much.

The other new development is that starting tomorrow I am going to board Fezzik. The Sam’s Club parking lot is not particularly safe at all (P. mentioned that he had sent another RV-er out there to drive by and see if I made it there OK, and they had seen the jillion random men hanging around my trailer, and were concerned). Wal-Mart is in a much safer neighborhood and the other members of my little RV community are around to watch out for me (I’m actually really touched that they cared enough to drive by Sam’s Club). Anyway, P. told me to come back to Wal-Mart after a day or so and just try to leave every couple of days for a few hours, and then come back and park elsewhere. However, now I’m paranoid about Fezzik attracting attention, so I am going to board him. Dwight has been super-kind enough to front me the money for one month of boarding, for which I am eternally grateful. This way, Fez doesn’t have to be confined all day while I’m at work, and he’ll get to play with other dogs and have people loving up on him, but he can still come home with me when this is all said and done.

Sigh. It will stretch things a bit, but Fezzik is worth it.

Also, I want to give a shoutout to Matt from Homeless Tales, who made the front page of Digg TWICE in two days!!!!! How awesome is that? I say, pretty awesome.

Also, thanks to Danny from Take Part – Jon (Beat on the Street) from Street Seen alerted me to your post on me. Thanks so much for the boost, and for thinking I have something to say. I saw that you guys are linked up with the movie “the Soloist”, and that’s so freaking cool. I just bought that book a few days ago, can’t wait to read it, and for the film.

Anyway – don’t worry everybody, I’m OK!

Filed Under: Aishwarya, Dwight, Fezzik, friends, Homeless Tales, interviews, Matt, P., pets, phones and voice mail, readers, safety, Sam's Club, Starbucks, trailer, transportation, vehicles, Wal-Mart

Quickie: New Article Up on Homeless Tales

March 13, 2009 By b 1 Comment

New article I wrote for Street Voices was posted on HomelessTales.com yesterday. Seems to have sparked a little bit of debate, which is good: Bad Choices vs. Just Plain Rotten Luck

Filed Under: Homeless Tales, Street Voices