Many ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses are mourning tonight, myself included.  The author of Crisis of Conscience, Ray Franz, passed away this afternoon from a stroke/brain hemorrhage at the age of 88.

I never had the opportunity to meet Ray, though I had hoped to eventually.  He was a kind, humble man willing to give up everything in his world to walk away from an organization that he discovered was corrupt.

He and I would perhaps have disagreed on theology, but he and his books have done more than anyone else to help recovering JW survivors, and expose the inner workings of the cult from the highest level.  He never sought the limelight, and had only gentle and encouraging words for those who wrote to him, regardless of their religious beliefs.  Though I am not Christian, I believe that Ray Franz was the epitome of what a true Christian should be.

My condolences to his friends, family, readers, and especially his wife Cynthia.

Image credit: New York Times

One from the U.S. and one from the U.K. today!

The New York Times reports that NYC is instigating a program in which convenient recycling bins will be placed throughout the city in order to make it easier to donate used clothing, rather than just throwing it away.  This could potentially double the amount of donations that local homeless shelters receive, right off the bat, and grow even further from there.  Unwearable clothing will be refashioned into “wiping cloths, insulation, and sound-dampening materials for cars, carpet padding or seat stuffing,” while buttons and zippers can be reused on new items of clothing.

This all means that over 90% of what is donated will be kept out of a landfill.  Plus, it’s a much more socially conscious option than, say, shredding old clothes so that homeless and impoverished individuals can’t use them. I commend NYC for taking this initiative!

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You may also know that I’m an “honorary Englishwoman” after staying with my friend Vicki and her daughter Alice in London.  Well, the Chelsea Flower Show is taking place in Battersea Park, right next to her home (I went walking there with her several times).

There’s a formerly homeless, ex-heroin addict named Paul Pulford, aka “Scruffy”, featured on the BBC, along with his group, Grounded, who have taken part in the flower show this year. The group is comprised of current/former/recovering homeless, drug addicts, and those coping with mental illness.

I highly encourage you to watch the video at the link; it’s fascinating to see how a common interest as simple as gardening has helped this man and so many others come together and helped them turn their lives around.  The symbolism of them choosing mainly wildflowers and other unconventional plants that might otherwise be considered undesirable or “weeds” also was not lost on me.  Too many homeless individuals struggling with mental illness, drug abuse, or other horrific challenges are written off as impossible to help.  Scruffy and the Grounded participants prove that this is simply untrue.

You can read more about and see a 3D tour of Grounded’s garden, called Places of Change, here. Please take a few seconds out of your day to vote for Places of Change to win the People’s Choice Award at the Chelsea Flower Show. They came in second last year; I think this is their year to take first prize, don’t you?

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P.S.  Still wading through my inbox; but I have created a Facebook account where readers can follow me, in addition to my Twitter account!  Thanks so much to everyone who’s asked to add my private page on FB, but my personal account is mainly for friends and coworkers that I know…I’m working on getting back to you all and thanking you for your sweet emails, and will be sending the link to the new FB account along in my responses, but in the meantime please feel free to just add me there!

~Bri

…And ya wake up in the morning on the front page of Yahoo! Or at least, that’s what several of the messages in my abnormally-extra-large-wall-o’-emails are telling me.

<——————I made this face, by the way.

Eep.  I will never get used to this when it happens.  Darn all of you awesome internet people with all of your awesome, kind support and awesome friendliness!  ;)

So, welcome to the newbies!  And thank you so much to the ones who’ve commented.  Now, I’ve gotta get to work answering emails!  Letters from homeless people and those needing directions to help/resources get answered first (and I’m even a couple of days behind on those!), so I’m über-sorry if it takes a few more days for me to get back to you!  I totally appreciate all of the kind words, support, and questions.

As always, I love my readers!  :)

~Bri

Hey guys and gals,

Quick heads up; I’m mentioned in the intro to Rick Newman’s article, 10 Things We Can’t Live Without, in U.S. News & World Report. The article, he says, is about the “new American essentials that reflect the tension between thrift and materialism”.  He gives a quick synopsis of my story and even mentions the book.

I spoke to Mr. Rickman several months ago and had completely forgotten about it, but I guess the article did end up being published after all!  So check it out!  And if you’ve just found my site via the article; welcome!

~Bri

Smiling mantis approves this message and applauds your effort.

Well, I can’t believe I actually did it.  The Girl’s Guide to Homelessness book…is finally done.

*Ride of the Valkyries theme*

Done donedonedonedone, Done donedonedonedone, Done donedonedooooooone…

Or at least, the first draft of it is done.  The first 100 pages have received rave reviews from agent and editor, now the rest has been sent off, and I await the feedback.  There will, doubtless, be rewriting required, or trimming, or whatever it is that they do to make a book bloom into existence.  I’m learning it all as I go along.

The completion of the first draft also means that they can move ahead in movie talks, and begin to formulate a screenplay.  I hear there are some brilliant screenwriters eager to come on board, who wrote a fantastic script that made its way onto the 2009 Hollywood Blacklist last year.  Contrary to my gut reaction, it has nothing to do with the McCarthy Era, but is instead a prestigious list of the most liked, as of yet unproduced, screenplays in Hollywood for that year.  Basically, they’re the ones considered on the shortlist to be snapped up and spun into Oscar bait.

So, that’s all exciting.  Although, I must keep in mind, the movie thing could go absolutely nowhere.  Always best not to count your chickens, and such and stuff.

But, the point is, I’ve finished the first draft of the book and I’m very pleased.  Now I can get back to focusing on important stuff like updating my blog more, creating my new network of other websites, and figuring out what to do next with my life.

As always, I greatly adore the readers who put up with me.  *Mwah!*

~Bri

I would like to recognize my readers on Mother’s Day – not only the mothers, adoptive mothers and stepmothers, but also those (all-too-often forgotten) women who have lost or miscarried a child.  Your baby existed.  You, too, are a loving mother.

I’ll never know the right things to say; perhaps there are no right things to say.  But you are recognized and appreciated.

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When a baby arrives,
be it for a day, a month, a year or more,
or perhaps only a sweet flickering moment-
the fragile spark of a tender soul
the secret swell of a new pregnancy
the goldfish flutter known to only you-
you are unmistakeningly changed…
the tiny footprints left behind on your heart
bespeak your name as Mother.

Book Expo America

…I’m super busy finishing the book this weekend (really!), since there’s 3 weeks to deadline and I’ve been trying to overcome the mental blocks inherent in addressing some of the more painful aspects of my story.  In other words:  I’m trying to just bite the bullet and fecking WRITE THEM DOWN already, even if it hurts.  By the way, the book is being promoted in a couple of weeks at Book Expo America, May 25-27, complete with excerpts and everything.  Scary, right? So, I guess if you’re in NYC that weekend, stop by and check it out?

I’m concentrating so hard on getting that out of the way, I haven’t had much time recently to update the blog, though I’ve still been answering emails from homeless/about to become homeless people and helping out behind the scenes, where I can.

Thus, nothing on homelessness today, although for any fellow ex-JWs who frequent the blog, I did want to quickly post about my friend Kyria’s new Etsy shop.  Kyria is the author of I’m Perfect, You’re Doomed:  Tales from a Jehovah’s Witness Upbringing (which, by the way, they TOTALLY need to release in paperback!!!!!)  I’ve blogged before about her book and how I connected with it.

Well, now Kyria’s expanded into jewelry.  Specifically, apostate jewelry.  I MUST HAVE ONE OF THESE FOR MY CHARM BRACELET:

Yes, that is a keychain/pendant made from old JW literature, emblazoned with “Fuck You, Jehovah’s Witnesses” on it.  Here’s Kyria’s description from her Etsy shop:

Having trouble letting apocalyptic cult members understand how you feel about them? The subtle message of this keychain will help you express your deepest feelings while locking your front door.

Hand-cut and polished Lexan, this piece is a labor of love created by a card-carrying apostate and ex-Jehovah’s Witness. It’s double-sided, so even if it flips over, you will still look super fancy.

The images are taken from creepy old Jehovah’s Witness literature. The words and sentiments are my own.

Great for yard sales, district assemblies, bible studies, or the Memorial.

Personally, I think Kyria’s sitting on an untapped gold mine here.  I haven’t come across any other cult/apostate gear shops yet…she should expand into door mats, messenger bags, T-shirts, etc.

And door knockers.  Like this meme (careful before clicking, hilarious but not suitable for work or young children).

And, if Kyria were to ever run out of ex-Jehovah’s Witness customers with a sense of irony, she could always move on to creating gear for survivors of other cults!  Pass the kool-aid, please!

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Coincidentally (or not), it is my little sister’s 24th birthday today.  Happy birthday, Brittany, even though you don’t believe it should be celebrated.  I do love you, and I celebrate the fact that you were born even though you believe I’m a raging heathen.  I will make a birthday wish and blow out a couple of candles for you:  my wish is that one day you truly research everything about your religion, everything that they don’t tell you, and learn to become a free thinker.  Because you do deserve so much better than what they have to offer you.

There’s wrong, and then there’s horrifying.  This week, a homeless man named Hugo Alfredo Tale-Yax rescued a woman attacked at 5:40 a.m. in Jamaica, Queens.  The assailant stabbed Tale-Yax several times in the chest and fled, as did the woman.  She did not even bother to call 911 and report the attack on the man who had just saved her life.

The surveillance video above shows Tale-Yax stumbling a few steps and pitching face-forward onto the pavement.  Within a minute of the attack, the first onlooker walks through the frame, turning briefly to look at Tale-Yax, lying in a pool of blood, and then continuing on his way.  He was the first of 25 passers-by who would do so.  Many leaned down to look at the dying man, one chillingly snapped a cell phone pic, and another bent down and shook the body checking for life.  All of these people then continued about their business without dialing 911.

It would be 1 hour and 45 minutes later when firefighters discovered his body.  The worst part?  They discovered it while responding to a 911 call for a completely different, non-life-threatening emergency in the area.  That’s right, not a single person ever bothered to report Tale-Yax bleeding out his life onto the pavement.

WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.  IS.  WRONG.  WITH.  PEOPLE?!?!?!

This is such a sad commentary on how little the life of a homeless (or even “apparently” homeless, as it is impossible to conclusively tell by appearances alone) person means nowadays.  This man was a hero, and even the victim he rescued cared nothing for his plight.  Did she even give him a second thought after she escaped, after she watched him take a knife to the heart for her?  I guess not.

This story is particularly difficult for me to handle.  I visited NYC a few years ago with my family, and again a couple of months ago for the Today Show.  I loved it there.  Despite all of the stories I had heard about jaded, rude New Yawkers, I was pleased to discover that the reports had been greatly exaggerated.  Yes, the pace of things was rushed beyond anything I had ever experienced living in SoCal, but my overall experience with the natives was that the gruff exteriors hid a heart of gold.  Every single person I met was more than happy to stop and give me directions, explain the subway system, take a photo for me, etc.

I just can’t wrap my head around that kind of dichotomy – that 25 people, most of whom would have gladly taken 5 minutes to tell me where the Z train goes…wouldn’t take 30 seconds to dial 911 for a dying man.  Would it have been the same for a woman?  A man in an expensive bankers’ suit?  A wounded dog or kitten?! Would they have walked around those bodies too?  Would they have snapped cell phone photos without once thinking to call for help?  I wish I could think that this attitude towards homeless individuals as non-entities, as somehow less than people, was the exception rather than the rule.  But 25 people in a row – that speaks otherwise.  How many more would there have been, if the firefighters hadn’t stumbled across the body?  How many people would it have taken, before a single one demonstrated a shred of conscience and humanity?

This is not only shameful; it’s outrageous.  These people know perfectly well who they are, and I hope it haunts them that they didn’t even lift the smallest finger for this hero.  After putting his own life on the line for a stranger, he deserved so much more than the disgusting treatment he received in his final hour.  Less compassion than would have been shown a wounded animal on the street.  Nice.  Real nice.

I’ve already mentioned that I’m collaborating with many other activists and contributors on World Homeless Day, coming to a city near you on 10/10/10.  One of the main organizers is a good friend of mine in Ireland and yes, I will be posting an interview with him eventually, but it’s looking like it’ll be pushed back a couple of weeks since he’s been so incredibly busy – representatives have been joining up from many countries globally, as well as representatives from nearly every U.S. state so far!  You can find more info at:

http://www.worldhomelessday.org/

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=252124162444

There is fantastic news from Jim Niffen, a WHD rep in Kansas City, MO.  He just found out that at 10 a.m. on 10/10/10, to commemorate the first annual WHD, the city mayor will be present at the launch of a new donated facility Jim will be running – 47,000 square feet housing a clinic, several local agencies, barber shop and salon, computer lab, and donated clothing shops for homeless men and women.  The facility will cater to between 1,000-1,200 homeless people per day.  Think of the difference that will make for so many down-on-their-luck people in that metropolitan area alone.

Congratulations to Jim and Hope Faith Ministries (anybody in the KCMO area interested in helping out can contact them here), and thanks to Jon Glackin/Dominic Mapstone and associates for coming up with the WHD concept and putting it into practice.  All of your tireless organizing is really paying off – believe me folks, the Kansas City facility is only one of several amazing results so far of the campaign (and there’s still 6 months to go yet)!  A lot of very noteworthy and influential people are coming on board the project and this is helping to increase exposure greatly for the issue.  The amount of work these guys are putting in is incredible; I don’t know when they sleep!

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On a slight tangent, this really has nothing to do with homelessness, but it does have to do with civil rights issues in general, specifically one that affects several friends and a family member of mine:

The Lutheran church has voted without dissent to abolish all anti-gay policies, effective immediately. All members and their families – lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer – are now considered absolutely equal in the eyes of the church and of their god, and are even allowed to serve as church leaders.  This is progressive.  I’m not Lutheran (or any religion), but regardless of whether I ascribe to any religious position or not, this is something I can get behind, and think all churches should get behind.  We can only hope.  This is an example of people of faith adhering to the spirit of what they preach, showing true love for their members without judgment, hypocrisy, or discrimination.

I’m a fan of that in any forum.

Waiting to see Dita Von Teese (my dream!) in Vegas - thanks, Brandon!!! On a tangential note, now I'm craving these divine French red velvet tufted boudoir chars for when I finally have my house...

He said/You’re really an ugly girl/But I like the way you play/And I died/But I thanked him…

Something you don’t always realize the value of, whether you’re homeless or not, is friendship.  I’ve always been more of the “lone wolf” type, partly because of my crippling shyness, and partly because I just don’t always like/trust people due to an iffy past with them.

More and more, I’m figuring out just how many good people there are out there.  Recently, I’ve been trying to spend more time hanging out with others and opening up to them, and I’m seeing that they’re not all that bad!  One evening, after hanging out with some friends both old and new, I had to sit back and ask myself, “why don’t I do this more often?”

Sounds like the world’s dumbest and most boring epiphany, I know.  But perhaps you have no idea what it’s like to feel reviled and alone and evil for a few decades and then suddenly realize:  These people like me.  Or at least, they’re willing to give me a chance.  They don’t hate me.  They don’t think I’m stupid.  They actually seem to enjoy my company enough to invite me to hang out with them again.

Even people from high school, who I haven’t seen in about 8 years, have dropped back into my life recently to say hi and make overtures of friendship, and these are people I never even realized I made an impression on back then in the first place.  I guess you never know whose life you may touch for whatever reason, or why.  But it’s a good feeling, and it’s one that I need.  I’m grateful to those who have made such an effort to include me lately and bolster my spirits with fun nights out – whether that be at Dave ‘n Buster’s with some old WCC crew, or go-karting with Brigitte, or Las Vegas with Brandon, or roller derby with Amy and some new awesome people, or Olive Garden with Ben and Aubrey.  Even if at the end of it all, I go and hole myself up for a few days again in the trailer for some alone time and book writing, it’s good to feel like I can hold my own on the social front for once.  That’s something to strive for.  I don’t know if I’ll ever be a “people person”, but I hope so.  I think it will make me feel like a better person, that’s for sure.  Here’s a bunch of photos with the great people I’ve been hanging out with lately:

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We're #1!!!

Another thing I’m very pleased about when I see these pictures is my weight.  I haven’t been happy about my body for a long time, and living off cheap fast food while in the Walmart parking lot definitely wasn’t doing my figure any favors, among other factors, both medical and lifestyle.  I didn’t realize how badly I had ballooned until I saw myself on TV and burst into tears (yes, yes, I know the camera adds 10 lbs., but still.  I was looking pretty darn bad).  The sad thing is that I look back at old photos of me from 5 or 6 years ago and realize that I was actually very cute, had flawless porcelain skin and teeth, etc.  But I didn’t believe it at the time, because all I had ever been told over and over, since I was a child was that I was fat and ugly and pasty (and perhaps next to my waifish, tan, very conventionally pretty sister, that was true.)  Now I look at those photos and go “but I was a size 6!  I was fucking adorable, as chicks go!  I wasn’t Cindy Crawford, but I danced and exercised, and got flirted with and hit on nearly every freaking day, even if I was too naïve and innocent to realize it at the time!  Why couldn’t I have enjoyed it and had healthy self-esteem back then when it was actually warranted?” Also, the thought that I may again next year have to go back on TV to promote the book is a major motivating factor to get looking damn good, damn soon.

And yes, I know that it’s important to be happy and proud of yourself, and have good self esteem, regardless of your body type.  And I’m trying.  But, it would make me incredibly happy to feel like my outside matches my inside again.  So, over the past few months, I’ve been making major dietary and lifestyle changes (gave up Starbucks and fast food completely, for one thing, and haven’t looked back!) but I wasn’t seeing it reflected in the mirror because I guess when you have to live with yourself every day, it’s just not as noticeable.  A couple of people commented on the weight loss, but I assumed they were just being kind.  I didn’t figure it out until I started seeing photos of myself recently, in which my waistline and double chin are, slowly but surely, whittling down and receding.  This makes me super excited and has been fuelling the drive to get back to that size 6.  I’m down 6 pants sizes now since January (from a size 18 to a size 12), which is halfway to where I’d like to be.  It’s not as fast as the fruit/juice crash diet (I did this once and shed about 30 lbs. in a matter of weeks), but I know that it is far healthier and that the results will be far more permanent, because I’m making actual long-term, ongoing changes to my day-to-day routine instead of relying on a temporary fix.  I also know I wouldn’t have realized just how dramatic the results were, or been able to keep the new lifestyle up, without the support and encouragement of my friends.  So, thank you guys.

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Last, but not least, Jethro went to his new home in NorCal on Friday.  We had many, many adoption applications for him; thank you to all who applied, and to Sage and Tera from DPS for all of their hard work to find him the perfect home!  Here are some photos of him with his new mom, Robbie, who adores him and has renamed him “Logan”.  I may have misted up a bit when I had to hand him over to the transporter, but I know it’s for the best.  He will make Robbie and her children the best dog in the world.