Yes, I have been incredibly delinquent in updating.  I’m sorry!!!!!  I hope nobody worried too much!

The thing is, life has been somewhat action-packed for the past few weeks… I’m madly, head-over-heels, crazy-in-love; every cliché in the book I suppose, but it’s all true so I suppose it’s cliché for a reason.  My boyfriend/future hubby, it turns out, is none other than Matt Barnes (aka w0lfh0und) of www.homelesstales.com, whom I have referenced in past blogs.  What I was keeping under the radar (for the time being), was our burgeoning romance, which came somewhat out of left field and gobsmacked us both.

I suppose the whole thing really started when my friend “Dwight” suggested that I promote tGGtH on Twitter.  I had vaguely heard of this Twitter thing, and I’m not gonna lie… I thought it sounded kinda inane.  I didn’t really “get” it at the time.  But he assured me that it’s a great place to promote new blogs, etc. so I figured… what the hell.

The aspect of this whole scenario that I continually find the most romantic is that Matt was the first to “find” me, and in a way, he saved me… or at least helped me to save myself.  Matt monitors keywords on Twitter, among them those pertaining to homelessness.  Within an hour of my first Twitter post, he had skimmed my blog and added me – my first follower.  He liked my writing, and invited me to post on Street Voices.  Happy for the additional cathartic outlet to while away the time while I searched for job and home, I accepted.  The two of us also struck up a seemingly platonic e-mail correspondence, and I found myself checking my inbox several times a day hoping for a new message.  Eventually, this led to IM-ing, and at some point I suppose we both just figured it out.  It was one of those revelatory “a-ha!” moments that you hear about but never quite imagine happening to you.

From the start, I found Matt to be highly intelligent, noble, devoted to his cause, adorable, funny, sweet, caring, nurturing… everything I had ever dared to dream of in a man and in a partner.  However, despite the instant crush I developed on him (which I desperately attempted to hide), it never occurred to me that there might be anything that could come of it.  For starters, I had promised myself not to get involved with any men for a while after my last godawful breakup, and especially not while homeless – what business did I have starting a relationship while I couldn’t even boast a job and a home?  Secondly, Matt lives in the U.K. – England-born, living in Scotland following his own bout with homelessness.  Little did I know that Matt had an insta-crush of his own.  For a couple of weeks we weaved awkwardly around it, each of us occasionally dropping the slightest of flirtations, then quickly backing off, feeling like any idea of reciprocation could only exist in our minds.  To an extent, we were both terrified of making fools of ourselves, and that our feelings were misguided and unrequited.

However, once we started hitting the 10-hour conversation mark (daily), the reality of the situation became difficult to ignore.  Things finally clicked and we realized and admitted how mutual it all was, and the depth of what we had discovered in each other.  And now, after a couple months of that…

here we are.

Matt is in California with me at the moment.  He came out just over 2 weeks ago, May 20th.  The hour waiting at the LAX international arrivals terminal  (his flight was delayed) was the most agonizing hour of my life.  Panic set in – would things be completely different in real life?  Could e-mail/IM /phone conversations possibly measure up to the real thing?  Would it all crumble the moment we saw each other?  True, we had photos (and in his case, video footage) to go off of, but would it change in person?  Without going into too much detail (some things are better left private and sacred and beautiful) I am happy to say that the moment I saw him, I knew that the love I had felt for him online was in no way diminished, but could only increase a thousandfold.

For now, we have pooled our resources and are staying in a tiny motor lodge; however, we may need to go back to the trailer for a week-ish until I am paid again.  Things are a bit tight for me financially (my hours and pay were cut at work), and we are having trouble accessing some of Matt’s paychecks, which are generally mailed to his home.  He flies back to Scotland on June 22 for a couple of weeks, and will be returning to CA following that for a longer stay… hopefully 3 months, the maximum allowed on his visa waiver program.

There are plans in motion for Matt to stay in the U.S. with me permanently… relatively soon.  These are, of course, fluid at the moment.  Kinks need to be finagled and ironed out.  For instance, somewhere to live would be fantastic, haha.  We also need to deal with various legal issues and such.  International immigration, marriage, those kinds of things… are obviously not quick processes, especially in the United States (may I just say, red tape sucks).

But, the important things:  I am safe.  I am supremely happy, happier than I ever thought I could be.  I am happier homeless and living out of a trailer and a motel than I ever was housed, or trying to gain acceptance and approval from my whacked-up dysfunctional hell of a family.  I love Matt more than I knew it was possible for me to love anyone.  I can’t wait to build a future with this man, and prove my love to him daily, for the rest of our lives.  For the first time, someone has looked at me, seen me at my very best and my absolute lowest, and loved me anyway, and reminded me so over and over and over until it makes me want to cry; I am so happy and fulfilled.

I love unconditionally, and I am unconditionally loved.

It’s so fantastic and mind-blowingly awesome that I almost don’t know what to do with it.  Just writing about it is making me a little misty-eyed and my heart feels kind of weighted, like it’s going to throb open.  But it’s so, so super beautiful.