Hey, you.

Again, life throws us curve balls and it’s up to us to make the best of unexpected situations.

I’m putting this here because I want the whole world (or at least the twelve people that read this, haha), as well as you, to know that you are loved.  Seriously, over-the-top, quasi-borderline-insane, head-over-heels, heart-poundingly, unstoppably, unshakably so.

We are going to do just fine; you are going to do fantastically; this is going to be OK.  You will not lose me.  I’m still here.  I’m not going anywhere.

I can’t wait to see you and kiss you from my heart so you can feel all of this.  I just wanted to give you that extra little boost of support now in particular… hope it helps you face the world head-on today even a little and gives you a bit of extra steel and determination.

You are honorable and noble and beautiful and I’m completely enamored of you.

~B~

I am gobsmacked.  This has absolutely nothing to do with homelessness, but everything to do with losing a great, beloved man and a personal idol of mine.

Frankie Manning, the legendary Lindy Hopper, performer in many classic films (with Whitey’s Lindy Hoppers) and INVENTOR of aerials/airsteps, died this morning of complications of pneumonia.

I’m so embarrassed to say this, but I’m actually tearing up right now.  As a former performing swing dancer, I have wanted to meet and dance with this man for YEARS.  Last year I missed my chance at a workshop with him, but I was positive this was gonna be the year.  Now I will never have the chance.

Frankie danced up to his death – he was to turn 95 years old in one month.  It was my ambition to find some way to attend his 95th birthday celebration and be able to say that I met and danced with a living legend.  He was such an inspiration, raw energy personified, and completely funny, charming, and brilliant – I know this from the testimonials of fellow swing dancers who met him, and from his autobiography, which I bought last year and DEVOURED.  I couldn’t put it down.  He lived a magnificent life, and he lived it to the fullest.

The world has lost so much today.

*sniffle*

So, I’ve got about 3 separate blogs I need to write and post within the next day or so Here’s the first.

I came across an ad last week looking for writers/fashionistas to do an advice columnist competition. I believe they were specifically looking for “the Next Carrie Bradshaw”. OK, I have to admit, I’ve never seen a single episode of “Sex and the City”.  Yes, I’m a traitor to my gender.

*pauses and waits for female readers to start slinging Manolos at me*

In any case, I figured I’d send in a quick letter anyway with my story, and see what happened. I mean, I’m less of a writer than a blogger, but I do love writing, and I love fashion, especially vintage and retro clothing. I bet I could out-cute SJP and her super-overpaid stylist any day, haha. In any case, it was a shot in the dark and I was quite certain I’d never hear back from them.

…a certain chika was called in for a screen test this week. Guess who? (hint: me!!!!!)

Of course, I found out over the phone just who these people were.  What I thought might be a dinky little unknown show, that might present me with some small oppportunity… turned out to be by Fremantle Media.  The American Idol/America’s Got Talent/Etc. guys.  the guys with all the clout.  With millions of viewers.  And the prize?  An internship at Elle magazine, being mentored by a very funny, slightly crazy, super-awesome columnist whom I’ve read for years.

Holy shite.

I went into the Fremantle Media offices and there were a lot of random actors sitting in the lobby, waiting to try out for a different project (a TV sitcom or something).  I was wearing the most adorable, brightest vintage ’50s dress I could dig up and I got a lot of funny looks.  A tall, rail-skinny chick stood in the corner, gesticulating and mouthing lines.  I was the only one there for the advice columnist show, so I started filling out my application and waiting for the casting director to show up.

This scary actor lady came into the lobby and sat next to me.  She was a bit older, in her forties or fifties.  She was like Carol Brady on crack. It looked like her plastic surgeon had had a field day with her – her eyes were open too wide and her smile was frozen in place.  She talked WAY too loud.  In the quiet lobby, her voice reverberated and echoed and people started staring at her.

“OH AREN’T YOU ADORABLE!!!!! WHAT A PRETTY DRESS!!!!!  EVERYONE LIKES TO GO OVER THEIR LINES WHILE THEY’RE WAITING, BUT I’VE FOUND THAT IT’S BETTER TO JUST STAY MYSELF AND INTERACT WITH THE OTHER ACTORS!”

I mumbled that I wasn’t an actor, hoping she’d go away, or at least take the hint and talk at the room level, which was at about a whisper.  After interrogating me about what I was there trying out for, and making sure the entire room knew that I was a) a “reality girl” and b) not an actor, never acted in anything besides a high school play…  she grabbed my half-completed application and started reading the questions aloud.

“LET’S SEE… ‘WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?’”

She looked at me expectantly, and I realized she actually wanted my answer.  I drily informed her that I was crying on the inside, right now.  In a way, it was more true than she could have realized, but she laughed and took it as a joke.

“OK, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE: ‘WHAT ARE 3 THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF THAT YOU NEVER REVEAL TO SOMEONE YOU’VE JUST MET?!’”

Ehrm… right, like I’m going to tell you, lady?  You’re already announcing my life story to the entire room.

“‘NAME A TIME WHEN YOU GAVE BAD ADVICE?!’”

At this point, I was thoroughly psyched out and ready to either break down into tears or else kill this woman with a smile on my face.  Luckily, I was saved by Peter, the casting director, who came out and called me back.

“OH MY GOD, I LOVE HER!!!  SHE IS JUST SO CUTE!!!!!  SHE JUST TOLD ME SHE’S CRYING ON THE INSIDE RIGHT NOW!” she informed him as I walked through the door.

I could have died.

Of course, I totally bombed it.  I mean, how could I not, I was in such a state of panic and psyched-out-ed-ness, and overwhelmed, and tremendously nervous just realizing the magnitude of even getting called in to test with such a company.  Peter was very nice, sat me down in a chair, turned on a camera and a spotlight (!) – which was a tad intimidating and “tell me where you were on the eve of March 6″.  He asked me a few questions, which I was totally struggling to answer and my mind kept blanking because I was completely freaked out.  He was very sweet about trying to gently guide me into showing a tad more personality, but I think I just sort of shut down.  Later on I thought about all the better answers I could have given, or ways I could have let my personality out more, but in the moment I was just completely stone-petrified.  Poor dude.  He was probably regretting wasting his time calling the homeless chick in, haha.

In any case, after it was over he told me if I heard anything from them in 2 weeks to 2 months, that would be good news, it all depends on the executives, etc. etc.  He told me that I did well (I think he has to say that, haha) and that he tends to look for interesting people over “models”, but that I am beautiful, and other very nice stuff.  Yay for nice casting directors.  Even if I bombed, I can still feel good about it now.  Thank God I wasn’t in a room with a nasty Simon Cowell wannabe or anything.  I think I would have completely crumbled.

I went into the lobby and pushed the “down” button to call the elevator.  Insane Carol Brady Doppelganger cornered me.  “DID YOU JUST GET DONE?!  I JUST GOT DONE!  I’LL TAKE THE ELEVATOR DOWN WITH YOU… YOU DIDN’T WEAR YOUR GLASSES FOR THE SCREEN TEST, DID YOU?  YOU TOOK THEM OFF, RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!”

*sadness*

(…I like my glasses.  They’re a part of me.)

* * * * *

In a clumsily-executed and only quasi-related transition:  Here’s the thing about a lot of actors, I think.  I’ve dated two of them, and it’s like they don’t know when to stop acting.  They’re so self-absorbed and wrapped up in their own head before they can care about anybody else, if they even can at all beyond that peripheral, crucial stage-like interaction.  If they’re interacting with you at all, it’s as if they’re visualizing the encounter on a stage, like trading dialogue.  They say what they feel would be the right thing to say, or would cause the most interesting conflict, rather than what’s real, because even they don’t know what part of them is real and what part is acting.  The vast majority of actors I’ve known are addicted to drama.  My last ex would deny this vehemently.  He always told me he was different, he prided himself on being able to separate his “craft” and his personal life.  And I have to say this about him, up front, he is a brilliant actor.  Fascinating to watch, and a Juilliard finalist.  For all I know, he’s packing his bags right now because he made it in to his dream school.

But again, the thing about actors – it’s so much harder to tell what’s real.  My ex did a fantastic job for two whole months of making me feel happy and secure, like we were having absolutely no problems… meanwhile, he was messing around on me with some floozy slut bitch man-stealing whore of a tart in one of his shows (lest you think I’m being too hard on her and too easy on him, don’t. I’m pretty sure I threw his Christmas present at his head when I found out.  True, it was a pair of tickets in a letter-sized envelope, but still.  Believe me, I know what a lousy, dickwad thing that was for him to do to me).  I can already tell you, if he found this blog and read it, the first thought to go through his head would not be concern at my circumstances.  If anything, it would irk him slightly that more media outlets – TV shows, radio networks, etc. – have expressed an interest in me in two months than ever have in him, so far.  He always seemed to like that romantic, “starving artist” conceptualization of himself.  Doing what he loved, screw practical concerns like food and housing and money.  Of course, it’s really easy to think that way when you still live with your mother (who was actually a truly kind and supportive woman), don’t pay a dime in rent, have a home-cooked meal ready for you every night, and have never been homeless in your life.

Maybe that sounds a little bitter.  And you know what, I’m going to fly in the face of 90% of the world and conventional wisdom and say it’s OK to be a little bitter sometimes.  If you loved and devoted yourself to someone, threw all of your effort and energy into making them happy, thought you were happy, they told you they could never leave you, would be an idiot to leave you… and then you found out it was all a sham, they had been cheating on you and completely negating everything they had ever said, every promise you had ever made to each other?  You know what?  It’s natural and OK to be bitter with that person.  It’s natural and a protection to dislike and mistrust them. Now, you shouldn’t let that bitterness monopolize your life, and you definitely shouldn’t take that mistrust and apply it to all future romantic interests, because that’s unfair.  I trust each and every man that I date until he gives me a reason not to.  That’s only right and fair, that I shouldn’t impose past disappointments on new relationships.  But yes, I am a tad bitter about being cheated on by someone who claimed they didn’t have it in them.  I am wary around actors because my experience dating two of them was so similar.

So, Steven Lords, if you ever stumble across this blog and recognize me… you’re a dirty welcher.  Oh, and if you google phoenixforged47 (your e-mail address) you show up as a member on Actual Incest porn forums.  I’m just saying.  You might want to look into some therapy for that.  That’s a pretty unhealthy fixation and it makes me look back at things in a whole new light.  I mean, that’s really, really sick, actually.  Yuck.

I really should thank Steve, though.  I mean, when it comes down to it, he cleared out of my life and opened up the way for the best possible thing that ever could have happened to me, the love of my life, a real honest-to-god good and upstanding man, the man whom I adore and treasure.  And no, I can’t talk about it any more than that.  Not just yet.  I wish I could, believe me, I’ve been bursting at the seams to for ages, but very soon, I promise.  Sorry to leave you guys dangling.

Well, I’m only three days late with it, but FINALLY figured out how to post the CBC interview with Jennifer Westaway:

I sound very nervous and am talking about a mile a minute, haha.  I got some super sweet comments from Canadian readers, and now I have to set about answering all of them (I like to personally respond to everybody)!  So, if you’ve left me a comment at any point this last week, I’ll have probably responded to it by tonight.  Really.  I swear.

Things have been a tiny bit crazy, there may be problems getting the house and I may need to come up with about $10K more than I currently have, within the next two months, in order to get it.  This means that I will need to look into selling the few remaining possessions that I have, including my antique 1934 baby grand piano, Ingrid… I dumped much of my furniture at a thrift store, but put her and a few other items in storage when this thing began.  I used to think that she would be the one thing I would never be willing to sell, and it breaks my heart to make the decision, but this is my dream house and I need to really take a serious look at what is most important to me and my long-term happiness.  I suppose I could always find another piano… but houses like my Victorian simply don’t exist around here, and I really am head-over-heels in love with it.  At the same time, I could get another piano but not another Ingrid; musical instruments have a sort of life and personality to them and I will miss her terribly.  I imagine she’s quite disappointed at being stored in pieces in the dark for the past few months, and will be even more disappointed that I’ll never play her again.  Or perhaps it’s just anthropomorphization.  In any event, I probably won’t make much off her (nobody is buying pianos at the moment; instruments that would have cost thousands a couple of years ago are going for mere hundreds or even being given away for free on Craigslist now).  I have a few other things that I suppose can go – a book collection of thousands of books (which also breaks my heart) and several hundred DVDs – it may be well over a thousand now, I didn’t really keep track when I was collecting them.  I used to work for Blockbuster Video, can you tell?  In any case, not very good resale value, but perhaps it’ll be something.  I also have the Dodge Ram that I inherited from Bill when he committed suicide.  It’s about 10 years old, and only worth about $2500 max, but it’s something.  It’s currently hooked up to the trailer, but perhaps if I eventually find a month-to-month rooming situation that works to my satisfaction, I can sell it.  I also have a fair amount of vintage clothing left, which I used to sell a lot of, so I’m thinking of starting to sell off the nicest pieces.  Still, not much of a resale market for vintage with this economy, but I’ll do whatever I can.  I will NOT lose this house.  I CANNOT.

I’m also gonna have to take a hard look and figure out exactly where I want to take tGGtH at this point.  I feel like I’ve veered off the original intent, which was survival tips and advice and resources.  I seem to be posting more and more personal stories about my daily life, which I’m not ENTIRELY averse to, but somehow I feel like perhaps I might eventually come off as whining about my life, when the original intent of the blog was to help others.  So I may want to start including more topical/homeless news/tips/links to resources type postings.  Thoughts or impressions?  What I want most out of this thing is to help others even in a small way, and also do my part to put the issue on the map.

Also, just curious… any of you guys think I could ever pass as an advice columnist?  The idea recently came to my attention and I find it somewhat intriguing, although unsure as to whether I may be the type.

Onwards I forage – to the comments!!!!!! 

Fezzik has been boarded at a VERY affordable rate at a ranch in Norco, thanks to the power of Twitter.  Sage is the nice lady boarding him, and he seems super happy to be there.  I miss him terribly but it’s good to know that I can visit any time.  Also found out:  he WILL chase chickens.  And horses (but only if they run).  You’d think a few well-aimed kicks in the general region of his head would dissuade him, but nooooooo.  He came running to me whining for about a second and a half before deciding to see if his next attempt would go any better.

…Idiot dog.

I want to thank everyone on Twitter involved in helping me find a solution for Fezzik.  So, thanks to @ChiqueLife, @dailypatricia, and @SewChick for schilling on my behalf!!!!!  I can’t tell you guys how much I appreciate it, and how grateful I am that you would work so hard to help a complete stranger like myself.  Please check out these awesome women and their respective websites below:

http://www.chiquelife.com/

http://patriciahandschiegel.tumblr.com/

http://sewingchicks.wordpress.com/

And super extra thanks to Sage at http://www.sagency.net/, not only for agreeing to board and care for Fezzik long-term while I work on buying the house, but for showing me around the ranch, making me feel at ease, welcoming me to visit any time, and calling/e-mailing me regularly with updates.  I feel so safe and secure that he is in good hands and enjoying himself!!!

As far as the radio interview with Jennifer Westaway goes, it is being broadcast Easter Monday, April 13th (today!)  It is going to be a 3 1/2 minute segment on their national radio news, “The World at Six”.  It starts being broadcast at 6:00 p.m. from the Atlantic region; earliest you could hear it streaming would be at 2:00 p.m. our time at http://www.cbc.ca.radio/.  Probably better, though, would be to download it as an mp3 and then you can scroll along to find the item without having to listen to the entire show to hear it.  You can do this in the afternoon/evening here:  http://www.cbc.ca/w6/

So… yep.  Here we go again!  She said they’re going to mention the name of my blog on the air, let’s see how high the Canadian traffic spikes!  I love Canada!

Ooh, got my tax return, too.  Woohoo for extra money!!!  Although, can someone please explain to me… my income tripled from 2007 to 2008 (this is before I was laid off, obviously).  Yet I got only about half the amount of refund this year as I did in 2007.  How does one earn MORE money and get LESS back?!  *confused*  H&R Block guy tried to explain it to me, but failed miserably.  Ah, well.  Anything is helpful at this point.

~B~

So, radio interview with Jennifer Westaway went well, I think.  Not sure how long we talked for, must have been a good half hour or so, although all that needs to be edited down to about 3 minutes before being broadcast.  Still not sure when it’s going on the air, but she’s going to let me know as soon as she knows, so I will link to it when it happens.  You should be able to reach it here though when it does happen:  http://www.cbc.ca/radio/

Fezzik is not looking well.  He’s lost a lot of weight, which really bothered me.  I asked them to ramp up his feeding.  They go “oh, so would you rather we give him two feedings a day instead of one?”

Um… you’ve only been feeding my dog once a day?!  He’s used to twice a day.  How much have you been feeding him?!

One cup of food a day.  That’s all my dog has been getting.

Just for reference, adult Neapolitan Mastiffs should be eating 8-10 cups of food per day.

What kind of fucking morons are these people?  And now they want to charge me extra for extra feeding – isn’t that why I’m already paying more to board him than smaller dogs?!?!!?!?

He was very happy to see me, but he seemed depressed and lethargic, not his normal upbeat self.  And I can’t blame him, poor thing is STARVING.

Also found out from the teenager at the desk (contrary to what I was told when checking him in) that he is NOT being exercised daily, apparently that costs extra too (they told me when I first boarded him that it was included).  He spends his days in a 4′ x 12′ dog run, and his nights in a 4′ x 4′ cage.  At least with me, he had a 30′ trailer to roam in – more than twice the space he has now.  I didn’t want to make a scene, especially with a reporter there, but I’m livid.  Just insanely livid.  For the time being, they’ve promised to feed him more, but tomorrow I’m starting looking for somewhere to move him.  Seriously.  Who feeds a giant breed dog ONE cup of food per day?!  GRAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

He’s lost a ton of weight and he’s blowing coat and his nose is raw from rubbing it on his kennel door… I could have cried, it makes me so angry to see my dog rapidly decline like this.  He was SO much better off with me, and yet I’m paying $600/month for them to starve him.

So, looking for a new place ASAP.  A place that will let him play and interact with other dogs, take him for walks, and freaking FEED him – they’re out there, I know, I interviewed at one once.

I’m tempted to give out their name and location so that they get credit for being assholes, but I’m afraid of giving away my own locale at this juncture, until I get off the street.  If anyone knows anywhere in Orange County (I don’t care which area, North or South, I’ll travel!) or even as far as Long Beach/Lakewood area, please give me a recommendation.  My dog can not stay at this kennel.

*cries*

Dwight is letting me crash on his couch again this weekend while his roommates are out of town – thanks, Dwight!  Love sleeping on a warm couch instead of a cold parking lot.  Tomorrow I’m doing a radio interview, which should be kind of cool.  It’s with Jennifer Westaway of the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) – so soon 2 million Canadians should know who I am, even if very few people in America do, haha.  Seriously, though, that’s pretty awesome.  I LOVE Canada.  My grandmother and her seven siblings were all born and raised in Toronto – in fact, I used to spend my summers there as a kid with my great-aunt, who passed away when I was a sophomore in high school.  That was the last time I ever visited, but I still cherish the memories of the time I spent in that cute little old house at 19 Brad Street.  When my great-aunt died, I went to her funeral but didn’t visit the house, which was being slowly picked apart by warring extended family members.  I didn’t want to see it like that, so to this day I remember it exactly as it was – the walls all painted bright pepto-bismol pink (I thought it was sooooo beautiful when I was a little girl) and a huge basement full of old mementos and family history to explore.

Anyway, I’ll link to the radio interview for you guys once I find out when/where it’s going to be broadcast.

Got an e-mail from the seller’s agent on the house today.  He hadn’t heard from me in a bit, so he asked if I was still interested in the house; he thinks that right now I can get it for a REALLY low price (he didn’t go into too much detail, but I get the impression perhaps the family is running out of time to sell it… maybe the bank is thinking of proceeding with foreclosure?)  I’m trying to figure out the most tactful way of asking him just HOW low he thinks I can get it for, haha.  I sent him the contact info for the guy we’re working with to get the loan, and asked him to find out from him exactly what our status is on the prequalifying letter.  I DID find out from the broker we’re working with that Obama is giving all first-time homebuyers this year an $8,000 tax credit (woohoo!!!!!) which I can file an amendment for after purchasing the house.  In addition, there’s some other 6% seller credit I’m apparently entitled to as a first-time homebuyer, to cover closing fees and down payment.  All together, that’s a fair amount, if all goes smoothly I may have to come up with little or no money out of pocket at all  *crosses fingers*

Still quite a process, though.  I can’t wait.  I have grand visions of an exciting new life, should I manage to swing this house.  Of course, I’m sure the enormity of the work still to be done will all sink in once I have to buy the first several gallons of paint, or call the first contractor for bids/estimates on improvements.  However, I’m also looking forward to it all.  To taking something once stunningly beautiful (now a bit run-down) and restoring it to its former glory, stripping away one layer of the house at a time until I get at what it used to be.  I’m even reading a jillion home blogs that chronicle the efforts of homeowners to restore their Victorian houses, revelling in each tale of unexpected mishaps.  I so want that to be me.  I only WISH I could complain about having to decide between paint colors, or the woes of repairing century-old plasterwork.  I’d rather worry about things like that, than about living in a parking lot forever, or wondering when I’ll be able to pull Fezzik out of the kennel, and take him to an actual home again.

Sigh.  When you’re homeless, it’s good to have hopes and dreams.  Now, if I can just somehow make them come true for myself.

Below I’ve posted an aerial shot of “my” house, so you can see how awesome and huge it is.  It’s the house on the corner, that I’ve outlined in the rectangle.  There’s the main house, and then in the back, there’s a large garage that’s been converted to living space as well (I need to decide if I want to leave it that way, I may want somewhere to park my car, haha).  In my head, I’ll paint it kelley green with white trim (it might sound scary, but like those crazy party animal Victorians, I love love love love love LOVE bold colors, especially green!), and everyone will ooh and aah at the big, beautiful green house on the corner.  And once I get it, Aishwarya and I can start looking into getting a nonprofit grant to help renovate and start our own halfway house for homeless women and children.

Yes, it’s good to dream.

Well, if you’re here, obviously you’ve noticed – I have moved to www.girlsguidetohomelessness.com – a kind stranger basically bought me a domain and is building me my own website!!! How crazy is that?!?!?!

It’s a work in progress, so I have to play with it and do some tweaking, but thanks to Adam Warner (previously mentioned kind stranger), it already looks about ten bajillion times better than the blogspot! Adam’s super awesome – he saw the Invisible People video interview and did all of this out of the kindness of his heart, so please (shameless plug) visit his sites and return the love:

http://wordpressmodder.org
http://mybodypart.org
http://learnwebtools.com

At some point soon I’ll just redirect my blogspot to point to the new site, but for now, it’s manual.

I feel sooooo bad for not updating for a few days, I’m still figuring out this Wordpress thing, and it took me a while to edit the imported posts, because they seemed to have random and arbitrary wonkiness that took some experimenting and tweaking to fix. Now I’ve pretty much got that handled, but my sidebar seems to have randomly gone all wonky, so that will take some more playing. Work has been pretty all-consuming during the day, as well. Plus, I’ve kind of got a couple of secret side projects going on. Please bear with me! I’m really trying hard to get back to daily updates!!!!!

Fezzik is doing well, I keep calling into the kennel to check on him and he is (of course) loved and adored by all. This makes me happy, at least. I miss having him around to hug and cuddle with, and I also miss the protective aspect. Now, every time I enter my trailer late at night, I am super paranoid about opening the door. What if someone broke in and is lying in wait? I always hold my keys in a fist, pointy ends poking out through my knuckles, just in case.

Still working on the house. That’s one of my major side projects, although not the most all-consuming, by far, haha. That one I’m keeping under wraps for the time being. But it makes me super happy and I can’t wait until the day it’s safe to talk about it. Ha, mysterious enough for you? I hope so.